Friday 25th February 1927
The Bishopstrow Alphabet
A successful entertainment was held at the Parish Room (the former school), in Bishopstrow, on the evening of Friday 25th February 1927.
It was a fundraiser for the Parish Room and was organised by Miss Alice Heath (the Secretary of the Parish Room Committee). Not only did Miss Heath organise the event, she also wrote a poem The Bishopstrow Alphabet which she recited as part of the programme. The poem mentions the surnames of many Bishopstrow residents and hints at some of their occupations, traits and appearances. The poem is reproduced at the end of this article.
It was reported that great interest was taken in every one of the items featured in the programme and that all the performers “belonged to the village†and “acquitted themselves in a most creditable manner.†Mrs Erskine and Mrs Arnold played the musical accompaniments.
At the end of the evening, Miss Heath thanked all who had so wholeheartedly helped to make the entertainment so successful and enjoyable.
THE PROGRAMME
Mouth Organ Duets: Mr Garrett and Mr Payne.
Song: The Airman: Mr. F. Garrett.
Sketch: The Unwilling Witness: Mr Long and Mr Payne.
Song: When You And I Were Seventeen: Mrs Rogers.
Recitation: The Scout’s Death: Mr Everley.
Song: The Egg: Mr Roberts.
Sketch: Women’s Rights And Men’s Wrongs: Mrs Long, Mrs Stevens and Miss Maslin.
Song: I Want To See The Old Home: Mrs Willis and Miss Snelgrove.
Reading: Mrs Wiggs Of The Cabbage Patch: Mr Earle.
Song: The Bluebird: Miss Fitz, Miss Mills and Miss Whatley.
Sketch: Kitchen Rebellion: Mrs Garrett, Mrs Millard, Miss Pearce and Mr Roberts.
Reading: The Bishopstrow Alphabet: Miss Heath.
Mandolin Solo: Killarney: Mr A. Long.
Monologue: Defective Memory: Mrs Erskine.
Songs by members of Bishopstrow and Boreham Women’s Institute.
Sketch: Impossible Perkins: Mrs Francis, Miss Bush and Miss Parham.
Conclusion: God Bless The King.
The Bishopstrow Alphabet
A is for Arnold, with tall famil-y;
that they’ll have luck with their poultry I’m sure you’ll agree.
B’s for Bush, Barber, Butcher, Bazley, whom we now miss;
but for reasons of health she cannot help this.
C is for Club, where the men love to go,
they say they don’t gossip, but don’t they? Ho ho!
D is for Doughty, whose brother is Tim,
he sits on his doorstep and plays his mel-o-din.
E is for Erskine, Earle and Everley;
put the thatch on the barrow and take to Eastleigh.
F is for Francis, and also for Fitz;
one’s rather reserved, t’other sends you in fits.
G is for Grist and for Garrett, one tall and one short;
he keeps the Room’s yard clean, and’s a jolly good sport.
H is for Heath, whom on Sundays you meet;
she’ll be begging for funds soon for her Sunday School treat.
H is also for Haskell, and Hiscock as well;
living close, oh! how oft they must hear the Church Bell.
I is for Institute, in which members take pride;
it’s genial Secretary lives at Hillside.
J is for Johnson, with wife slim and tall;
I’m sure that he has the good wishes of all.
K is for Kimber, the postman you know;
he takes letters to Deverill, and not Bishopstrow.
L is for Legg, who comes round in his float;
he’s merry and jovial, and has always a joke.
L is also for Long, but it’s nothing of the sort;
there’s some mistake here, for the family’s short!
M’s for the Moore’s, Maidments, Maslin and Millard;
four of the five are jolly good diggers.
N is also for neighbour; so let you and me;
always show a good spirit and be neighbourly.
O is for Olphert – the Major you know;
he scans you, on parade, right from head down to toe.
P is for Payne, but contrary to papers;
they don’t need a back ache – they all cut such capers!
P’s for Pearce too, and Parham, both stalwart and tall;
one’s family has done very much for this hall.
Q’s for quiet, which men say the ladies can’t keep;
they can as well as men, any day of the week!
R’s for Rogers and Roberts’es one two and three;
two are quite good serving afternoon tea.
S is for Stevens, one tall and one short;
one tends to the horses, the other seals corks.
S is also for Snelgrove, you quite seldom meet;
that’s easily explained – he’s on t’hills with his sheep.
T is for Temple, the Lord of the Manor;
if you ride without lights, he’ll fine you ten tanners!
U is the uniform of Nurse of the Association;
if you don’t all join it you are surely mistaken.
V is the Vanity which both sexes possess;
men are quite full of it – women much less!
W’s for Willis, who doesn’t live far;
he may well be quite proud of his horses and car.
X is for (e) Xpenses we all try to meet; in Home,
Parish Room, Church, and for poor in the Street.
Y is for You who are present tonight;
it’s a pleasure to see you all so happy and bright.
Z stands for Zebra, with coat black and white   . . . . . . . . .
My alphabet’s finished; so I wish you “Goodnight”
A.H.
Footnote: Alice Heath’s copy of The Bishopstrow Alphabet is now in the possession of Danny Howell.